The Final Lap
I keep telling the people around me, can you believe it’s only 3 weeks to the end?
19 days for me to be exact. If this isn’t the FINAL lap, I don’t know what is. On hindsight, all the previous “final laps” don’t count, and now that I’ve mentioned, they all sounded a bit silly actually. It’s perhaps only human to segregate life into moments, that’s why we have so many final laps but we never really get there.
Then I wonder, what is this THERE that we were working for anyway?
When I was young, way before I had any notion of age, my THERE was studying in a university and earning big bucks so I give them to the people I love. I don’t recall but I had apparently promise to give my auntie/nanny a monthly allowance of $100 when I grow up – a promise I hope to fulfill as far as I can once I start having a stable income. Of course, I was happy then – life was only about stealing chocolate from the fridge and running along the corridor in panties.
When I was in primary six, my THERE was getting into Dunman High (don’t ask why ’cause I don’t remember) but I got into TK instead. But I was happy and spent some of the best days of my life there – UG and TKBand combined.
When I was in secondary two, my THERE was getting into one of the science classes but I got into arts (and effectively downgraded from the 2B to 3G). But I was happy ’cause I met Collin who proved to be a worthy friend/confidante/bf/pillar through the years.
When I was in secondary four, my THERE was getting into the science faculty of TJC but I got into AJC eventually. But I was happy ’cause in 26/02, I met all the nicest people around that darn mugger compound.
When I was in J2, my THERE was getting into SMU Business but I got into NUS Arts, and that truthfully, was perhaps the biggest setback to me in my entire academic life. Well, I can’t say I am happy but I pulled through and here I am standing at the perceived dumps I thought I was deserted at 4 years ago. A little wiser. Much more grown up. I am content.
If happiness is sublimal, perhaps content is just fine and maybe even better than happiness itself. I could ask more from life, but I am content with life as it is now. I have shifted myself out of the rat race and got myself into a different game play where in this race, my only competitor was no one but myself. In this case, I can fall and am sure that no one will trample on my demise. And if I rise, I have overcome no one but myself.
It’s no fun being put on the see saw constantly.
Looking back, perhaps I was mediocre – mediocre enough not to always end up wherever I wanted to go. But mediocrity is really a standard set by no one but yourself. For the little girl who only wanted to study in college, I am THERE.
On the contrary, if I were the girl who studied at Dunman High, got into the science stream consequently, then went on to TJC, and eventually ended up at SMU, I don’t know if I will still like the girl that I would have become. I’m no insinuating that it will be bad ‘cause I really do not know. But I know I am comfortable with the person I am now, with my values and beliefs.
There are times where I fear that my confidence and optimism are in fact shells that shield the reality. I don’t know what it really is this time round but I don’t think so.
We can only believe, set your destination and work towards it – doesn’t matter if you get there eventually or not ‘cause the journey is much sweeter.
Filed under: from the heart | 3 Comments
Tags: life, school
If you haven’t heard
no idea why, but am just love readin ALL your entries.
it reminisce me of all the good old memories. things that will just make mi smile.
i really enjoyed it. *thanks babe.
Ohmygosh, babe! I was just thinking about things in similar sense today.
And cliche as it may, I came across this quote while reflecting:
“Love the people who treat you right, forget about those who don’t.
Believe that everything happens for a reason.
If there’s a chance, take it. If that will change your life, let it.
Nobody said it’s going to be easy, but they promised it’d be worth it.”
Whee.
You know babe, somehow, I can say up till this point in time of my life, I always kinda get what I wished for, but I am not the happiest person on Earth. Because along the way, I lost friends. Perhaps, because everything happens for a reason, I would say, those who are still by my side, I would love them with all my heart.
So, mediocrity shouldn’t be something that exist in your life. I sincerely think you’re a great person, in looks, in heart, you’re THERE.
To get what you want in life isn’t going to be easy, but I know as long as I stay true to myself, it’s going to be worth it. Yes?
P.S. I thought the “running along the corridor in panties” was quite funny. I remember the times when I swam in panties too.
to maomao:
heh, that’s you running down the corridor with me, stealing the camera and snapping photos of ourselves in panties, eating po chai pills in the kitchen and setting fire at the playground.
these are the things that make me smile. above all, you make me smile.