Jack & Jill roll down the hill

10Jul09

Very random caption, just like the frequency of my blog posts. Heh.

Forgive me. Unless a sudden writer’s surge arise (which is rare), I seldom feel the need to propagate how perfect (or imperfect) life is for me these days.

Or maybe truth is, nothing much is going on with my life. I think some people call this being ‘jaded’. Others call this a routine, and I think that’s what I got myself into the past months.

How strange life is. Perhaps a more apt caption could be, “what do you want to be when you grow up?”

I had wanted to be a doctor or lawyer when I was young (’cause SBC always portray them as being very desirable aka definition of high flyers). Then I wanted to be a flight stewardess ’cause I realised routine isn’t my cup of tea and the travelling is a tempting bonus.

Finally, I decided at a tender age of fourteen, that I want to be an events organiser. No routine, and above all, you are worth how hard you work. For the records, I did consider being an insurance agent or property agent (hard work = worth & money) prior to settling for events when I realised the stigma behind these jobs.

Ten years down the road, I am none of the above but it doesn’t make me any less happy.

Because it takes real interest, that’s why I am not a doctor nor lawyer.

Because there is other ways to travelling, that’s why I am not a flight stewardess.

Because I realised you can work hard your whole life and like it or not, it is not a direct equation to worth and money. That’s why I am not an events organiser nor agent. In this case, from what I learnt from a very brief stint, who you know perhaps matters more, and how well you can play your cards. It’s a pity I can’t do the latter well, I’ve never consider myself to be eloquent enough and also do not want to look into the mirror one day and not recognise who I was seeing.

It’s just business, yes. Then I have weighed my options and came to a conclusion that I can perhaps take my life and energy elsewhere, and go to sleep at night feeling the sense of satisfaction and knowing tomorrow will come and I can achieve so much more.

There are times I look back and cringed with regret for not acting a certain way and for assuming my all righteous attitude, perhaps things would have turned out different. I would have turned out different. Perhaps perhaps perhaps. But thinking about all these honestly doesn’t change anything. It has long gone.

Screwing up a chapter of life is only, well, a chapter. It doesn’t mean that your life is over.

I can only envision the life that has yet to come, and work towards that. My ex-boss once said something along this line – that she never believe when people tell her that something is impossible; because it’s when you dream, that you achieve. You envision, you work towards it, you may fail but you won’t end up too way off. If you never even work for what you believe, you have failed from that very moment.

At this moment of life, we are all trying to earn that first bucket of gold. The methods are different and definition of bucket also differs. Just remember not to regret the process, but enjoy it instead.

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